I had an engaging conversation with a group of parents in a class recently.  Initially I was going to simply reply to that class clarifying my thoughts on the subject as well as sharing some interesting articles, but decided this information might be of value to all of us as parents as well as caregivers so here goes.  As usual I must disclaim that in spite of the fact that I have studied much in this area of child development extensively, I am a student as well as am learning in conjunction with you,  I find it much of this easier to implement with your children in class than with my children at home.  Finally I also trust that as parents/caregivers none at all of us should simply take another persons “word on behalf of it”  rather review the articles, endeavour it out as well as determine if it makes sense to you.  Of course some of your children won’t encounter some of these challenges on behalf of numerous years (so you have lots of time to practice)    Thanks to Saturday morning Village class on behalf of sparking this post.
Why do we feel we require to praise our children?  There are numerous answers which include, help them have good self esteem, encourage them, manufacture them feel noticed/special/loved as well as so on.  In her Chapter titled Encouragement in the Concious Discipline book Dr Becky Bailey outlines some principles of encouragement.  A few of them are

contributing to the welfare of others builds self-worth
We are all unique, not special
Some forms of praise can be discouraging.  Effective praise relies on describing, not judging.

Dr Bailey goes on to state that what you focus on you teach children to value.  If you focus on being “good,”  you teach children to please others as well as seek specialness in order to feel worthy.  If you focus on being “bad” you teach them to rebel as well as seek to be special through negative attention. If you encourage their contributions as well as effort, you teach them the importance of trying hard as well as sharing their gifts with others.
Children all around us are shouting out “look at me”  Children desire as well as require to be seen.  Just noticing them shall be encouraging to the child.  If you really desire to foster brain development Dr Bailey suggests you be the child’s mirror.  To the child standing on one foot you might say “Wow! You are balancing on one foot, your arms are like this (demonstrate with your body)   In essence all you really require to do is describe the efforts or accomplishments you see from the child.   Children request to be seen, not judged.  To the child climbing to the top of the slide you might say “Look at you climbing so high” however you also might opt on behalf of “Good Job honey!”  Instead of describing the effort you have judged it.  Dr Bailey suggests that if you replace seeing with judging  too often the excited 4 year old who shouts “look at me” grows into an anxious 8 year old who asks, “Is this okay?”
Some other thoughts on Praise from Dr. Baileys book

“If you utilize too much all encompasing praise you could unduly burden a child.  General praise can manufacture a child feel pressured to reside up to unrealistic standards.
If you utilize priase that relies on value judgments too often you teach children that “good” equals “pleasing other” as well as “bad” equals displeasing others.  You can grow a “judgement junkie”
If you utilize priase that focuses on how you think or feel about the child’s behavior, you teach your child to seek approval. (Children may rely on how others think/feel on behalf of their self-worth)
If you praise children only on behalf of successful, completed tasks, you teach them that effort does not matter, only accomplishment”

Okay so if you’re now on board with the possibility that praise can be discouraging you may be wondering what you can say.  Here are some ideas on how to utilize what you say to boost your child’s brain development as well as self esteem in addition to showing children how they contribute to the world. 

Start with the child’s name or the pronoun “you” you might also begin with “you did it” or “look at you”
Next be a mirror verbally as well as physically - describe what you see
End your description with a tag if you require to. (These help to wean yourself from making jugdgments - if like me you’re a praise junkie. Tags that judge should be used rarely if at all (Good on behalf of you!  Good job, I like that,)      Tags that describe attributes can be used regularly (That took determination,  That was gutsy, You sure are organized)   Finally Tags that describe values should be used lavishly.  (That was helpful, That was thoughtful, That was kind, caring, loving etc)

The above ideas came from my an estimated all recent reading endeavor Dr Becky Bailey’s  book “Concious Discipline”  You can read another book review I wrote by checking the archives on behalf of her book “Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline”
Lest you think Dr. Bailey is the only one ascribing to the thought that Praise can be discouraging you should read this article from New York Magazine titled “How Not To Talk To Your Kids:  The Inverse Value of Praise”      
If you’re not up on behalf of reading the entire article check out this video which gives an overview of the research outlined in the article.

 I’d be happy to discuss your thoughts on this matter.  Feel free to email, phone or talk to me before or at the end of your child’s class.